3 posts tagged “sex drive”

Loves:

• Spending time with Sm
• Silly silly time
• Learning more about my body
• Brand spanking new sex drive
• Bruises from Roller Derby
• Fuzzypaws of love

• Gray rainy cloudy chilly days
• Money. The whole concept.  The reality. The bill collectors calling.
• Feeling completely uninspired by my job, that everyone else thinks is so cool.
• Knowing I'm going to be spending alot of time hitting the concrete during our bout this weekend because we're playing a super-experienced team from a league that's 3 years older than we are.

Weeks Events:
March 19 - Learned yet again why trainers should never try to teach adult learners by reading verbatim from powerpoint slides to the students.  Had a great session with my therapist about the possible etiologies of my horrible procrastination habits.  Skipped derby practice and had a phenomenal date with Sm.

March 20th - Flooding in and around town along with confusion on my part regarding location prevented me from attending a meeting - no great loss.  Watched kids lives being changed by art - Amazing.  Had half of a fantasy fulfilled (was naked in bed, left the door unlocked and called Sm who came over, walked in, we didn't say a word to each other, just started having incredible passionate sex) until the XH interrupted in a very persistent, untimely, and unwelcome way.  Potential disaster averted by Sm & I talking about the awkwardness and then picking up where we left off.  Rushed to an event supporting women's choice, back home, then off to a dance party.

March 21st - Lunch with co-workers, picked up my scooter from storage, helped set up for Sat's bout, hung out with Sm and her friend for the rest of the evening.

March 22nd - Bout Day!  We sold out our bout for the second time - So fun!Amazing game - very well matched teams - I jammed more than anyone else on our team - 13 jams!  crazy.   We lost by 7 points - but we made them earn their win.  The funniest part for me was when I was jamming against this chick and I checked the shit out of her and she looked at me and threw up her hands and was like, "what the fuck?" as if she didn't know that jammers can check each other.  Great afterparty, except for all the March Madness folks at the bar - lame-o's didn't  know that RD is much more exciting...  I asked Sm to be my girlfriend and she said yes.  Drunkenly home + 2 hours of wild fornication = no hangover the next day!

March 23rd - My Jesus Birthday on Zombie Jesus Day!  Brunch with a league member, some  time for me, then more wonderful fornication.  off to dinner reservations and guess what?  Sm threw me a surprise party!  I've only known her for 6 weeks and she freakin threw me a surprise birthday party - how amazing is she?  I was stunned and speechless for several minutes (I have a hard time with surprises), but it was really nice.  Then home and guess what...more and more fabulous loving.  She and I cannot get enough of each other.  I haven't had a sex drive like this since I was 17.  Actually even then, I didn't have the desire to stay in bed for umpteen hours at a time.   Sm  has been kind of amazed at my ...enthusiasm...if you will...for girlsex - esp since it's fairly new to me ( & esp since i'm bi and not a full-time lezzie).  I told her I've known what I wanted in that area for a long time and I've never been shy sexually.   With the few girls I've been with before her I've actually been pretty startled at the reluctance on the part of full-time lezzie's to go down on another girl.  Cause I won't lie, I love it.  Love it.  Okay, back on track....

March 24th -  Bleh Work.  League meeting for Roller Derby.  Tempers flared, accusations between refs and players flew, people got defensive and accusatory...just another league meeting.   Feeling bunk once I got home, hard to sleep.

March 25th - woke up and went to the bathroom - oh that's why I was feeling so bunk last night.  I see.  Hormones are wonderful things, guys, truly.   Worked a bit, left early b/c of a power shut-down, saw Sm for 2/10ths of a second, hung out with my heart sister and ate way too much.  Feeling lonely once home and alone.  Fell asleep promptly tho. 

And that's a week in the life of....

Florida – my hometown, where I grew up.  I miss the sun and warmth, the proximity of lakes and beaches, the lack of slush and ice and bone-chilling cold.  I don’t miss the poorly planned roadways, the snarled traffic, the grade A indifference.  Everything in life is a trade-off.

I still have contact with one friend down here, S, and we meet up at least once when I visit.  She and I were bff in high school, but it didn’t last much beyond that and then I moved away.  By chance we re-connected a couple of years ago and in a way it’s like we never missed a beat.  It’s fun to see her and hang out when I’m in town.  Last night S wanted to visit a friend of hers, P, whom she hadn’t seen in over a year.  Just by happenstance, I’m sure, he also happens to be an ex of mine from way way back in the day.  I was just out of my teens the last time I saw him.  For several years, I thought about P off and on, but not for the past few years.  When S mentioned going to see him, I agreed, mostly out of curiosity.  I always wonder what happens to people after the passage of time.  In his case, it isn’t pretty.  I was a little startled to see that P’s gotten a big beer belly and fat jowls on his once handsome face.  And his work – he was a very talented guy – his work has not grown and matured like his belly has.  That saddened me – I had hoped that P had developed his talents into something more.  And to see this guy who was once very handsome and rather vain about it; to see him let himself go to seed, it’s sobering.  I know P’s had his issues over the years and S seems to think that he’s not currently ‘clean’ (tho she didn’t know what it was that he might be using), but for some reason I had more faith that his pride would keep him from letting himself and his talent go.  P is still a young guy, only 3 or 4 years older than I am, but he looks 10 years older than his age.   Anyway, I felt sad for the guy he once was and when I got home last night, I went ahead and rubbed one out for the guy I once knew and cared about.  Seemed a fitting memorial for a guy who no longer exists except in memory ; >

I have noticed that since I’ve been away from home, my sex drive has come back alive.  I masturbated last night to a memory and then twice today while fantasizing about having strap-on sex with a fellow derby girl – someone I flirt with regularly, but have not pursued.    I don’t know if I will pursue her or not, I’ve thought about it and I’m pretty sure she has too, but I think right now I want to keep my options open.  And the flirting is really fun in it’s own way.  

In other news, this vacation has been wonderful for me – a chance to breathe.  I’ve had some sobering financial realizations and my mom has a really difficult time not breathing down my neck about things she thinks I should accomplish while I’m here, but overall, I needed the break from the marriage/impending divorce situation in a bad bad way.    I knew I would feel better once H and I were not living together anymore and just getting away for a week has confirmed that like crazy – it will be all I can do to go home and go back into marital purgatory for the next 5 weeks until I get my new house.   I’m just going to have to breathe calmly and slowly through each day, I guess.