3 posts tagged “heart sister”

So I've been shooting hormones into my belly for a little more than a week now.  The shots aren't too bad, a little pinching or burning, but no real pain.  The needles are pretty tiny, but my belly is starting to feel bruised and I have little pinprick spots in a crescent under my bellybutton.  I've had no hormonal ups and downs (tho my heart sister, who's on different hormones, has) - the doctor said that I would feel good on the hormones, but my own personal life-drama has prevented much of that =/.  At least I'm not hormonally roller-coastering.

My belly is feeling very :full: :bloated: :aware:  - I've had minor cramping, but  it could just be the pressure on my intestines from my swollen ovaries.  Tomorrow is the last day of shots and then the retrieval is on Monday.  The doc is hopeful that we'll get 20 viable eggs from this cycle - which would be amazing.  They'll inseminate all of the viable ones and implant 2 or 3 into my heart sister on Thursday - the ones not used in this cycle will be frozen so that she'll have more to use in the future and won't have to get another donor.  So she could theoretically have 17 inseminated eggs frozen for the future...very weird.  I'll be on bed rest Monday and then could theoretically return to normal activity Tuesday, but I'm planning to see how I feel and work from home Tuesday . 

This process is a bright spot for me right now.  It feels so good to be able to share this with my heart sister, not to mention to feel successful at something AND appreciated for it.  I haven't been able to drink since the process started, which has it's pluses and minuses.  I didn't have a good time on Halloween night cause I was sober and bored at bars with my non-sober, non-bored friends.  But it's forced me to not be able to run away from some home-truths about where I'm at right now.  Unpleasant, but needed.  However, I must say, as soon as these eggs are out my belly, I'm going to party down for a minute...I need the break from my incessant brain.

Cavedweller: A Novel

I shouldn't be...I drank too much last night and ate white castle's at an obscene hour of the morning...got less than 4 hours of sleep, still have a mild headache...had to give myself a shot in the belly first thing.  I lost my wallet last night after paying for white castle and have no idea where it could be. It's been rainy and cloudy for 5 days... I should feel like roadkill right now.  Roadkill that's a week or two old and so tattered it's losing it's stink.  But I don't.

I'm feeling pretty good.
H has made us an appt with a couples therapist.  He and I haven't fought in days.  And I'm starting to feel more tender and loving towards him than I have in weeks.
My heart sister and I were given the green light on the egg production, so I've started the hormones today (which the doctor told me should make me feel very good - no argument there- bring it on!).  No drinking for two weeks - it'll be a very good hiatus for me. 
Last night I had the privilege of making kissy face with someone who is probably the most beautiful woman I've ever touched lips to.  And she's sweet as pie, cool as hell, and fun to be around.  And she and H each think the other one hung the moon. 
Not accomplishing much at work, but my boss is off my back this week, which is very nice.
I even feel a bit hopeful about the future.

Who would you trust with your life?

Wow.  Thinking about this question made me realize how incredibly lucky I am....to have more than one person in my life that I would trust this way.  Since I'm having such a shitty couple of weeks, this question has really helped refocus my perspective in a more positive direction for a few minutes. 

Number one:  Mom - obviously - she brought me into this world, she ensured my survival for the formative years, and I truly believe if it came down to it...I would definitely trust her with my life, no questions asked.  We have a concrete and solid established trust relationship.  very predictable. Like the foundation of a house.

Number two:  My husband.  Our trust is constantly challenged by our independence and has come through every time.   It's not an easy, casual trust - it's a dynamic, ever-changing, intense limit-pushing trust - like a trip to the roller coaster park where you're forced to ride all the rides - the ones you love AND the ones that scare the living shit out of you. If our trust could withstand the last 11 years...there's no doubt in my mind. I would trust him with my life.

Number three: My heart sister.  Our trust is warm and soft and safe -  Think - Warm snuggly blanket in a chilly room.  Think - hot chocolate.  Think - comfort food.  Think - roasting marshmallows with a mug of warmed bourbon and honey.  Our trust is really embedded in our hearts in a way that truly makes us sisters.  I would not hesitate to put my life in her hands.