At least it feels like that some days.
My health is improving, very slowly, too slowly for my impatient self, but the throat is not sore any longer and I can breathe again...I still feel pretty tired alot of the time though. I hate illness. It's such a crushing bore.
I'm still bored to tears by my job. Don't even want to talk about it. peh.
Roller Derby - first time back on skates in two weeks - I expected my endurance to blow, but I actually did just fine. We had a great scrimmage, everyone was in top form - I wish every scrimmage was like that, we'd learn alot more from each other. I actually hurt more today than I did the day after our last bout! All the newbies blow up my head with praise for my jamming- I'm trying to ignore it and I'm telling them that I've been skating for 1.5 years now, a little bit of experience counts for alot in this sport. They don't seem to hear it though. Not to mention the mad skills of my pack - No jammer in the world scores points without some support from her pack unless the other team is for shit. And I typically get great support from my pack - I've been really clear with my blockers about what I need/expect from them when I'm their jammer - and what they can expect from me...it seems to work out very well. Feeling like a part of such a strong team is inspiring too. I can't say enough positive about what roller derby brings to my life.
Sm is still ultra sweet - we went dancing and she spent the night this weekend and it was UhMazing. She's a little clingy, but she sort of knows where she's coming from (aware of the clingy stuff and why) and we talk about it and I think it's okay. We're still enjoying talking and doing stuff together and hanging out in general. So that's fun.
I'm still loving my new house and living on my own. I was feeling very neutral about the divorce for a few weeks and this week I've had some imaginary angry little internal dialogs with XH and his gf's - I went through about 3 dialogs in two days without even realizing it - now I'm thinking about the dialogs and wondering if I'm touching the anger phase of grief again, mildly? The thing about phases is that we humans not only move forward through them, but we also move backward through them and even hopscotch around in them a bit. It's rather annoying when you feel as if you've finished something and then oh, wait, yes, wait, yes, you're there again. And you're like, wait, this is familiar, haven't I done this already? I thought I was through with this? But no. I'm not completely through with it. Because I'm here again. Fuckers. But I sense that this phase is so mild that it will be pretty short lived. And that makes me feel good. And continually hopeful.